How are you? And what happens between?

By Kimine Mayuzumi

“How are you?”
“How are you doing?”

When someone asks you these questions, what do you usually say?

And when you ask someone else, do you really pause to notice what they say — or how they express how they are?

Sometimes, “How are you?” is simply another way of saying hello. Someone asks you in the hallway, keeps walking, and neither of you expects a real answer. The question becomes a familiar social exchange, a way of acknowledging one another as you pass.

But sometimes someone asks, genuinely, looking into your eyes:

“How are you?”

And suddenly, you may not know how to answer.

Not because you don’t have an answer, but because you haven’t actually stopped to notice how you are feeling.

We hear and say “How are you?” so often that we may rarely ask the question of ourselves.

How are you, really?

Perhaps we can reclaim the power of this simple question by asking it of ourselves throughout the day.

How are you:

when you first wake up?
before you begin your next task?
after a long meeting?
before you open yet another email?

And instead of immediately looking for an answer to how you are, we can simply pause and notice.

What happens in between?

This brings me to something I have been thinking about lately: the importance of the in-between.

In our overloaded academic lives, even those of us who strive for a more sustainable way of working can find ourselves moving almost continuously from one thing to another: one meeting to the next, one deadline to another, one task completed only to make room for the next.

We may know that we need rest, yet stepping away can still feel difficult. Sometimes, even taking a day off can bring an unexpected sense of guilt.

So what if we paid more attention not only to what we are doing, but also to the spaces between what we are doing?

At the heart of Being Lazy and Slowing Down is a simple idea:

Empty space matters.

Empty space is not about doing nothing forever or abandoning what needs to be done. It is about creating moments when we step out of our constant immersion in doing — moments that allow us to pause, restore, and reconnect with our being.

In the language of yin and yang, we might think of this space as yin: the receptive counterpart to the active energy of yang. One is not better than the other; both have a place in our lives.

I was reminded of this recently by something my coach once said:

“The quality of life is gauged by the quality of our in-between time.”

I’ve been carrying this sentence with me.

Do we actually allow ourselves to have in-between time and space? Or do we continue working for hours in front of a computer, filling every available moment?

When we do allow ourselves to have that space, what do we do in the moments between meetings? Between writing sessions? Between finishing one task and starting another?

Do we immediately reach for our phones, check email, or rush ahead to the next thing?

These pauses can make a difference. Whether we are engaging online or meeting with someone in person, our interactions are more likely to be effective and healthy when we are attentive, relaxed, and emotionally grounded.
(See also my article, “Towards a healthier relationship with online activities: 5 useful tips for using technology.”)

So can those in-between moments become opportunities to come back to ourselves — to a more present, relaxed, and grounded way of being?

What helps us come back?

One way to do that is to step out of our heads and into our bodies.

Here is another principle of Being Lazy and Slowing Down: Body matters, too.

As Tricia Hersey (2022) writes in Rest Is Resistance, “To resist the notions of grind culture, we must remain connected to the silence and power of a rested body” (p. 139). She also reminds us that even taking a brief pause can be a meaningful act of resistance to systems that continually demand our productivity.

A podcast I came across some time ago, Why the 5-minute walk break is so powerful, offered another reminder of the value of these small pauses. Research continues to show the risks associated with prolonged sitting, while brief periods of movement, even a short walk, can help break up long periods of sitting.

We don’t always need a long break.

Sometimes, five minutes can be enough to change what happens next.

In my Writing Circle and Weekly Reflection & Planning sessions, we intentionally build short stretching breaks into our sessions. When we are focused on writing or planning, it can be surprisingly easy to forget that we have bodies. We become absorbed in our thoughts and our to-do lists and simply keep going.

The short breaks give us a chance to stand up, stretch, breathe, and notice.

I’ve noticed that these moments make a difference. Participants appreciate them, and for me, too, they serve as a reminder: we don’t have to wait until we are exhausted to pause.

A break doesn’t have to be something we earn after finishing everything. It can be part of the work itself.

And the next time someone asks you, “How are you?”, you might take a moment before answering.

Or even before anyone asks, you might ask yourself:

How are you?

Not to evaluate yourself. Not to fix anything.

Just to notice.

And then ask one more question:

What do you need in this space between?

A breath?

A stretch?

A short walk?

A moment of silence?