By Kimine Mayuzumi
“We often become so busy that we forget what we are doing or even who we are” (Thich Nhat Hanh)
As a parent, I sometimes feel like I am engaged in morning battles. Oversleeping for even 10 minutes makes it harder for me to manage the morning breakfast table rushhour. And worst of all, I can become cranky, take my agitation out on the kids and start raising my voice because of the time crunch (yes, I was raised to be punctual and have been colonized by eurocentric concept of time). When Riyad and I drive the kids to school and separate from them, I quickly try to be nice and gentle to them, saying “Itterasshai (Bye and have a good day)” with a forced smile on my face. After they are gone to school, I usually reflect and regret: “Oh gosh! I ruined everybody’s morning…”
When I am rushed, I find myself pushing on without paying attention to my body (e.g., hunger, thirst, lack of sleep, etc.). In the back of my head, I notice some signs that I am rushing and need to slow down. Oftentimes, a headache is one sign. Yelling is another. Then I tell myself compassionately, “Hey, let’s slow down. I am not doing very well here.” This observation is one of the most important steps. So, how do I actually slow down right at the moment?
Here are 5 ways to slow down RIGHT NOW that work for me.
1. Deep breathing NOW
In my childhood in Japan, I was told by adults to take deep breaths (深呼吸 shinkokyu in Japanese) in different occasions whenever we, kids, needed a new mindset or transition into the present moment. I never reflected on the logics of such action. But now I understand it was important wisdom embedded in our cultural life. Deep breathing helps me pay attention to my body and relax physically and mentally. It helps me temporarily disconnect myself from the situation and reframe. Focusing on breath connects body and mind by reminding us of the important body function of breathing, which we tend to ignore when we are in the rushed state. Paying full attention to deep breathing slows me down and makes it easier to reformat my mind and move on.
2. Changing the scenery NOW
Beyond deep breathing, staying in the same physical space where I am rushed does not help me slow down and often counters what I am trying to achieve. Agitation would continue to conquer my mind. Changing the scenery or the physical frame of reference helps me remove myself from the cage where I was suffocated metaphorically. For instance, when I was writing my doctoral dissertation, I found shifting my focus to my two-year-old son helped me break from the constant negative narratives in my head. When I returned to the desk to work on my dissertation, I noticed I had a calmer mind; as a result, my motivation to work was higher. Having a new physical space could bring me a new mindset. (Checking email wouldn’t work just so you know…). Thich Nhat Hanh (2011) also says, “Space represents freedom and ease.” The key is to invite myself to the outside space (freedom & ease) when realizing my negative state in the inside space. And I would try the next practice.
3. Trusting and embracing NOW
Being mindful and curious of what is going on around me right now helps me reach a calm state of mind. I sometimes rush towards the outcome like reaching a destination on time (e.g. taking kids to school on time). By letting go of an outcome, I could trust and embrace the present moment. Life is interesting. The more rushed I am, the more obstacles I would come across. When I am in a hurry, I could get more red traffic lights or a slow train passing by in front of me. Thanks to my son, when he was small, he loved watching a train crossing and I shifted my mind towards his enjoyment rather than being stressed about the train, which I did not have any control over. My perspective to trains crossing the road changed through my son’s eyes. It is important to pay attention to and be grateful for what I do have right now. Opening up my mind with a positive attitude often brings something good that is unexpected. Now is now. 一期一会 (ichigoichie, which means “one encounter at a time” in Japanese. It never comes back.)
4. Listening to my body NOW
If I slow down, both of my body and mind have to have a chance to relax. If I have a tension in my body, I cannot relax and my agitation continues. I pay attention to my body and know where in my body I have the tension or pain. I give it a stretch or massage if I feel like it. I would also acknowledge the part of my body that is working hard for me. Let’s give it a break! I wouldn’t want my body to pay the price. I often use a timer for a task. Once it goes off, I remind myself, “How am I doing? Let me listen to my body.” Then I take a break, stretch, or take a sip of water. Listening to my body NOW is the core practice of being here and NOW.
5. Lowering my standard NOW
It has been my pleasure to prepare a “good” lunch box (ie. nutritious and enjoyable) for my son in the morning. However, sometimes, I push myself too much to prepare it the way I imagined. It sometimes turns out to be a source of stress. “Trying to do ‘one more thing,’ you do much less” says artist, mother and author Julia Cameron. The stress ruins the morning when I was supposed to be positive and energetic. Because I try to be perfectionist in the way I prepare a lunch box, I would do much less by releasing negative energy for my family. It’s okay to include one less item in the lunch box. It’s okay to put a leftover in from last night. I would rather be in a good state of mind in the morning.
Next time when I feel rushed and stressed in the morning, I will just go to the end of the house for a couple of minutes and breathe in and out deeply. I would tell myself to lower my standards and enjoy the moment. “It’s okay to be a bit late. Let me slow down and have a fresh start to the day!” Actually, the worst enemy of my calmness could be me, not the lack of time.
Which one among the five ways resonates with you? Why? Do you have any other suggestions? (See our Resource page)
References
Thich Nhat Hanh (2011). Peace is every breath: A practice for our busy lives. HarperCollins, New York, NY.
Julia Cameron (2013). The Artist’s way for parents: Raising creative children. Penguin Books, New York, NY.