Be mindful, trust the process and let go of outcomes - Part II: 5 reminders

By Kimine Mayuzumi

In Part I, I discussed why it is (even more) important to be mindful, trust the process and let go of outcomes in this unique context, especially in the neoliberal culture with the pandemics (i.e., virus and social unrest) added.

Then, a question I ask here is “what are the conditions and the mindset to create (or at least try to create) within ourselves so that we could more effortlessly be mindful, trust the process and let go of outcomes?” Remembering our past blog posts and reminding myself of our intention when we started this blog, I came up with the following 5 reminders that contribute to answering the question. Related articles from our blog will follow each reminder.

1. We are human BEINGS, not human doings

We need to remind ourselves that how much we do is not how we define ourselves. We are first human beings and not human doings. I am not saying that actions are unimportant. Actions are important. I believe that with our wellbeing with constructive intentions and self-reflections of who we are, actions become much more meaningful because we can connect what we do with why (we do). We would be more likely to embrace the process without doubt as well. But, without our wellbeing, actions could become mechanical and even detrimental. We can thrive when we have our wellbeing in place and act from affirmation, not for affirmation.

We can not sacrifice our wellbeing for the actions based on quantity-oriented goals with continuous acceleration. When we aspire to our wellbeing with the soul in it, being busy (doing too many things) makes us lose our soul and face negative consequences. We are who we are because of our beings, not our doings. “We are worthy not when or not if. We are worthy as is” (Brown, 2010, p. 24).

2. We need to be compassionate to our beings

When we pay more attention to our beings, we also think of our different aspects in our beings. While we are spiritual beings, we are also social beings. Within the larger society with so many different external factors, our social locations including race, ethnicity, gender, class, sexuality, (dis)ability, citizenships make a difference in what challenges (and privileges) we may come across. It is important to nurture our self-compassion knowing all the external reality which we may have no control over.

Another being we also recognize in us is our child being. Imagine there is a small child in us who is playful and yet fragile and who desires security, love and affirmation. We wouldn’t judge or nag the person but listen. We would accept and try to understand what happened to the child, talk with compassion and encouragement and try to comfort her/him, so that the little person will be more likely to get up with reseliency and move forward without stigma attached. Let’s be kind to our inner child.

3. Body matters

Our wellbeing includes the physical dimension as well. When we are caught up in how much we should produce in our head, we often forget our body. Under time compression with productivity in mind, no matter what, our body can release the signals like hunger, headaches, sleepiness, back pains, as our body has its own clock. It reminds us of a stop sign.

Breathing is also an essential part of our body function and we know that more than ever. It makes us feel alive and also grounds us to be mindful of the present moment. Our body can remind us that we are right here as we are now. But unless we pay attention to our body, we may all ignore what it is teaching us until the point of burnout, collapse, and/or mortality.

4. Empty space/mind matters

In the Tai Chi class that I was taking before the COVID-19 pandemic, I often heard the Yin and Yang philosophy when the instructor said, “open and close,” “empty and full,” “exhale and inhale” regarding the choreography. Those terms that are supposedly opposite and contradictory actually do coexist, complement and reinforce each other. Being empty is not separate from being full. Without empty space, filled space is not as effective. For example, let’s look at our planners. Is there empty space between filled space? One may interpret empty space as break time and filled space as work time. They work together.

The moments of nothingness in our mind refrain us from thinking about our unknown future. In other words, we can let go of our future expectations or predictions in our empty mind. The Tai Chi form I am learning teaches that nothingness is the starting point. We can generate ideas, act effectively and produce quality when starting from emptiness.

Questions we could ask ourselves include: How can I obtain the moments of nothingness in my mind? How can I create more empty space on my planner without feeling agitated or guilty?

5. Transition requires intention

Transition in life could take a toll physically and mentally. If we do not have our intention for a transition, we might feel just dragged by whatever occurs to us and react to it rather than responding wisely to it. We may feel more stressed and frustrated about the process.

Intention for transition I am referring to entails and allows:

being aware that we are in transition;
being curious of the uncertainty ahead; and
being compassionate to ourselves when facing challenges along the way.

Then, we could have fresh energy to tackle some difficulties that come with changes. By being curious, we could become more open-minded and mindful of what is going on and ready to receive and respond to whatever arises. Then, if a hardship emerges during the transition, we would be ready to apply the power of self-compassion as a default.

What exactly do we need to do to bring our intention up front? It could be some form of ritual that we could conduct. An activity that symbolizes the end of an event and the start of the next. It could be a pause or break from the scenery before we get into the new site/stage. It could be an extensive reflective writing. Having a ritual or such an activity would make it easier for us to embrace the transition and grab the intention that we need. It would shift our mindset and relax our body instead of putting us in a fight-or-flight mode for the unknown future. We would be more mindful of what is going on, trust the process of transition, and let go of outcomes since we also let go of the controlling mind.

In summary, to be mindful of the present moment, we need to let go of the unknown outcomes that make us cringe and feel anxious and guilty by engaging with the process and our being. It’s not easy. But keeping the above 5 points in mind would help us navigate this difficult time and context. Let’s take care of our inner state and keep reminding ourselves of the phrase: Be mindful; trust the process; and let go of outcomes.

Featured image by PNGtree

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